CELEBRATIONS,EMOTIONAL TURBULENCE AND SPIRITUAL LESSONS REVISITED (Part 2) AND A NEWS FLASH!

Making it all fit.  'Echo of the Velewe' Chris Booth 1948

Hello my trusty bloomers ;)

As promised part two! Sadly, as always, a larger gap than anticipated between each blog update but hopefully I can leap into a more diary like format after this catch up......but best to make no promises!

By way of an excuse (my school teachers would be raising a despairing eyebrow now!) we did actually spend a wonderful week in Amsterdam with my very lovely birth aunt and her equally lovely partner. It was great to spend some time away immersing ourselves in art exhibitions, cycling and paddling in the sea and eating copious amounts of Dutch Applekaka! I can't say adoption wasn't on my mind but it was good to focus on something else for a while.

Aunty J and T racing ahead! August 2013 

 Spending time with my aunt is always such a treat. I 'found' her about 15 years ago whilst searching for my birth mother (who very sadly passed away three years before) and we are now very much family. I don't know why but I always find myself saying 'family' in the mode of Peggy Mitchell in Eastenders!! Just me?

 Moving swiftly on!!

It feels so special having her in my life and such a blessing that we found each other. Getting to know her has really helped me to fill in the gaps and be much more accepting of who I am and why I am as I am, so to speak! She, my birth mother and I seem to share so many interests, a way of being and living our lives that makes me feel that genetics definitely make up a part of who we are. However, my honest belief is who we become and how we function in the world is even more largely a product of our upbringing and our environment.

Me and Aunty J having a chat

A child adopted or not needs to be fully accepted for who they are, cherished and given the opportunity to develop secure attachments to his/her caregivers. Ideally they need to be amongst people who can tune into them and really 'see' them. Helping them to feel a security, sense of self worth and acceptance that will allow them to blossom into the very best of who they are as they move through their lives.As an adopted child the need to be parented this way seems even more profound as a sense of disconnection, insecure attachment, abandonment and loss is already marked on many of these children's lives. I hope to explore a more attachment, natural style parenting with my own baby. It is certainly very encouraged by those in the adoption field nowadays and one that makes absolute sense to me. I found 'The Continuum Concept' by Jean Liedloff a very enlightening and profound book when I read it some years ago and one that made me question our more modern approach to parenting. I hope to discover and learn more as I parent my own little person.

 But that's for later, back to the update!!!

As you may remember from last time I was having a slight emotional meltdown when considering how to choose the right child. Such a profound decision that will impact so many lives! I do envy in many ways the lack of choice that pregnancy brings. Even when my adoptive mother adopted us all those years ago she was given no choice and we were chosen for her. I keep telling her how extraordinarily lucky she is with how that turned out! ;) There seems, in both these instances, a bit of divine providence involved.

One thing I know is that connecting with my child is so important to me. I am sure my adopted history will have played a part on why but it is so important that I am the right mother for this little person.There is much more awareness of finding the right fit for adopted children nowadays and that's why the matching process is fairly rigorous.

How do we find our little person?!

Do we

• Trust the system? Make our choice based on researching and considering carefully all the information on the child's family history, their medical history, whether they are meeting their developmental markers or not and what may be the potential developmental and medical unknowns. Trust the wisdom and experience of our 'wise old owl' (social worker) who can see behind what is written and ask the direct and difficult questions to the experts, foster carers and children's social workers. Trust that she knows us well enough now and will be able to see beyond what we can at the moment. Also trust the child's social worker who knows and understands the needs of the child and will be looking for the best match for them.
• Trust our gut and intuition? Those who have chosen their little people already say something drew then to that particular child. Something perhaps beyond logical understanding. A sense of something feeling 'right'.
• Base our decision on the personality of the child? The challenge we have is that the child we are considering is under one, which in the adoption world is still considered quite young. Many of the children are older and it becomes easier and a necessary part of the adoption process to match a child's personality to the parents for the best fit.So where to look for hints of the little persons emerging personality. Yes....blush I have consulted numerology, astrology charts I am afraid to say! Hey, you may mock but if its important enough to be considered by kings, mighty leaders and emperors then perhaps there is a grain of truth in there somewhere!Having had mine done in the past they were eerily accurate.......well on the whole!
• Trust our animal instinct? Sadly this important and most basic primitive sense of smell, recognition and attraction is only something that we will have access to right at the point of bringing the child home so that rules that one out until quite late in the process/
• Try to match the child's facial features to our own.....poor child!! Pick genetic similarities. Also the Chinese skill of face reading believe that the personality of a person can be read in their face even from quite an early age. Google Jean Haner for some fascinating insights! There is something to be said for the appeal of a genetic resemblance. Wild curly hair for me would be the icing on the cake but not a deal breaker!

Whoooooah stop right there missy! None of these give any guarantees however much I try to control the outcome!

So where next to save my sanity!

' Ooooh she does go on!' The Graduate 2009

I was reminded of some important spiritual principles the other day about trust and letting go and its a spiritual lesson I need to remember...... although its bloody hard at times!!!!  I truly believe in the concept you attract what you believe about yourself and the world and what you put your focus on. So after some wonderful advice from Rebecca Kane (Shine on Raw) I took time to truly consider the  the kind of life I hoped to share with my child and then send it out to the universe and leave it to divine providence to attract the child who would gain most from us being its parents.

Yes my earthy practical friends I am aware this is a rosy idealistic view (!) but hey its good to dream .........

Images fluttering by of family holidays exploring wild Cornish beaches, clambouring over rocks, investigating rock pools and dipping toes in icy waters. Adventures with Anka the dog exploring woods, fields and streams, soaked by the rain and warmed by the sun. Cold rainy days in front of the fire watching old children's films. Learning to grow things together in the garden with Aunty Penny. Lots of cuddles, splashy bath times, making up silly songs and dancing around the house. Sitting in cafe's with a babbyccino....froth is the best bit lets face it! Visits to Amsterdam to see Aunty J and Uncle T. Biking through Hoge Veluwe National Park and visiting art galleries. A child who would love water, nature, and animals, who is adventurous, creative, sensitive and kind, quirky and a little unconventional (to put up with us!) and not too LOUD!!! 

I created the images, wrote down the words and let it go to the universe. My challenge now is to trust that the universe will draw us to the right child and the child will be drawn to the right parents for him. I also have to accept what maybe right for us maybe WAY OUTSIDE whatever I imagined too! My only job now is to be happy and try and keep my energy positive, open and accepting. I will still consider the points above and they have their place but ultimately I have to trust that whatever happens the right child will find his way to us.

Trying to keep some balance!

So now I feel clearer on how to proceed and am learning to trust and let go. I am also having to learn patience!!!!!  So thank you too to a sensible friend who understanding my frustration about not being able to do anything, very practically suggested that every week I buy a little something for our little person and focus on getting prepared. A much more positive and proactive approach.

Before I close a NEWS FLASH!!!!

There is a potential little person.....early days.....will report back soon.

So that's me for now....phew!I will try to do a little less more often in future.

Thanks for staying with me and much love to you all my gorgeous and most favourite old bloomers :)

Samantha xxx

CELEBRATIONS, EMOTIONAL TURBULENCE AND SPIRITUAL LESSONS REVISITED (Part One)

Resting awhile

Hello :)

Yes, yes I know this was meant to be written in diary format on a more regular basis....sigh! ;) I have however decided to cut myself a little slack as the last few weeks have been quite a maelstrom of different emotions and I was hoping for a little clarity before putting 'pen to paper'. I also have had to deal with my own resistance to just 'getting stuff up there' which isn't perfectly written or put together. I have to remind myself that I wanted this to be a relaxed conversation between us as friends, even if most of the time its a pretty one way street! Please feel free to comment and add your wisdom though my dear trusty old beautiful bloomers!

As I mentioned in my last blog a few weeks back, we finally went to Adoption Panel on July 16th.  I thought some of you might be interested in a quick time-line up until then, although obviously the process to getting to that point and decision was a journey in itself!
.

• November 12th 2011 One day Introduction to Adoption day
• June 21st 2012 Initial home visit from a social worker.
• September 11/12 and 19/20th 2012 Four day Adoption Course.
• November 5th 2012 start a new full time job and move home over Christmas period.
• January 28th 2013 (my birthday) began Home Study with allocated social worker.
• July 1st Finished huge file called a PAR (New Prospective Adopters Report).
• July 16th  Adoption Panel 

It's finally here!

 
So finally panel day arrived. Fairly soon after arrival at the venue at East Malling and having partaken of  the refreshments provided (tea and biscuits, although something stronger may have been welcome!) we were led by the warm and welcoming chairwoman of the panel into a large, airy room. Four long tables had been joined end to end to create a large square with a big gap in the middle. With a feeling of what I can only describe as slight pre-performance nerves, we sat with our social worker at the bottom long table and were introduced to ten kindly faces focused intently upon us. The panel ranged from adoptive/foster parents and a wide range of people from children's services.  
I really have to say that one of the most astounding parts of this process is the amount of people who devote their time, their hearts and their careers to the welfare of children. Social services are often under huge amounts of pressure and have to face things on a daily basis that would make most of us crumble. Government of course wants to improve the service that is offered, making it quicker and more streamlined and rightly so, especially with the ridiculous amount of time children have waited to be adopted. However this hasn't meant more support to the social workers on the ground trying to do their exhausting jobs. I have nothing but admiration and so much warmth in my heart to these caring, hard working people. 
 Anyway I digress!  After ten minutes of quite probing questioning (which the intensity of the home study part of the process had prepared us for) we were asked to leave whilst they deliberated upon their recommendation. As we left the room one of the panel whispered to me that we had done brilliantly, which was positive! After five minutes of waiting our social worker emerged with a  smiling chairwoman who said it was an extremely positive and unanimous

Give us a hug! (Servant of Two Masters July 2007)

 YES!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Our slightly more reticent and reserved (but extremely lovely) social worker, whom we both have much affection for, was hugged gratefully by both of us. After that we said our goodbyes and suddenly realised that was it! No more home study, it was all done! Now we had to trust to the universe and the intuition and experience of our very own wise old owl/ social worker to help us find our match.

OH MY GOD!!

We had already had the experience of looking for a match prior to the Adoption panel day, as often happens these days. Having viewed several profiles and put ourselves forward for consideration for one child we did meet with that child's social worker. With a gut feeling and the wisdom of our 'wise old owl' we decided not to move forward.

HELP!!

Don't panic! Tartuffe July 2009

The probing questions, reports, forms and reams of writing required for the home study were a breeze. I actually found the process interesting,informative and thought provoking. However suddenly when faced with the prospect of the overwhelming and momentous decision of choosing a child.....a  turbulent wave of anxiety overwhelmed me. This manifested in over thinking, over
analysing, researching, opinion seeking and what I can only describe as OCD googling. I haven't been able to write how I felt before because I was unable to find clarity. I feel in the last month some very deep stuff has come up  and in some ways I am pleased that happened now before the matching process begins in earnest. I am sure my own background of being adopted has played its part in my fear of making the wrong decision. I have also had to face and accept my own selfish desires in this process and its hard to admit. It is so important that the fit is right for the child (who of course must be the main priority) but it means so much for me too.

I really want to be open about what I went/ am going through as this may help anyone else going through the same emotion today or in the future. I have also from this experience revisited and been reminded of a very important spiritual lesson. Finally yesterday, with some wise advice and clarification from the very delicious Rebecca Kane (www.shineonraw.com) it confirmed to me how I need to move forward with this very profound and special moment in my life. To clarify by writing it down will help me as I move forward too.

Calmer seas hopefully ahead. Tilos Greece 2012

As this post is already quite long (thanks for staying with me!) I will do  a 'part two' which I will post very shortly whilst I am away in Amsterdam or soon after.

Thank you to everyone who has poured their love and support into our direction. I have been so touched and it really has meant the world. Celebrating our success at panel felt like announcing I was pregnant after the acceptable three month mark! Lets hope this baby is not going to be too post term before coming into my arms. Although he may well be a little larger than the usual new born!

Lots of love to you my blossoming bloomers and  a more emotional part two very soon.......promise!!!
Samantha xxxxxxx

HELLO AND WELCOME TO A NEW BEGINNING FOR BLOSSOMING AND FOR ME!

My Portrait by Leila Fanner (Artist)

For any of you that stumble upon me here, BLOSSOMING is being taken on a new exciting journey!

When I first started BLOSSOMING over a year ago, it was with the idea of creating an inspiring blog for all woman transiting through the perimenopause and beyond. Blossoming into their most vibrantly beautiful, creative, authentic, 'wise woman' selves. Also with my background in health and well being, I was exploring a new vision of late-blooming beauty. An ageless, glowing, natural beauty that comes from radiant good health. 

Beauty that is also more about the wise, intelligent twinkle in the eye than a meaningless line or two upon the face!

 I still want that essence of BLOSSOMING to remain but this time within the story of my own personal journey into becoming a late-blooming mother at the ripened age of 48! This last few years has presented me with the challenge of infertility, earlier menopause and trying to come to terms with all that meant in how I perceived myself as a woman. I can't lie, it hasn't been easy and there have been quite a few tears, some heart break and  learning the important lesson about bravely releasing and letting go. However, I feel I have come out the other side with renewed hope, anticipation, passion and  my world is now opening up to so many new possibilities. I am so excited about all the new challenges and lessons I have ahead of me and the blossoming yet to come!

Becoming a mother was always my dearest held hope and as my life has journeyed forth and taken its twists and turns, I always held onto the hope that one day that dream would come true. Hopefully in just a few months I will hold my child in my arms. The dear soul who was destined to share the lives of my partner and I. I really believe getting to this amazing moment in my life has truly been my soul challenge and quest in this lifetime. From being an adopted child myself at six weeks old, until this present day, when I am finally on the cusp of becoming a mother. All this I hope to pour into my blog as I journey onto this next wonderful stage of my life. If it helps anyone else that would be amazing but if its just for me to chronicle my journey and learn all I can from the experience then that's beautiful too.

I will start my diary from next week but just to briefly update. My partner and I have just completed the home study part of the adoption process and our large adoption file has been completed. We go to panel on July 16th and it is there when it is finally agreed as to whether we are suitable parents. Our adoption social worker is very positive and has already handed us some profiles of potential babies that might be matches for us. This has proved to be very emotional for me as an adopted child myself and I will talk about that in my next post.

Please forgive my stumbling start but I hope soon to get into my flow.

On a final note to all you other late-blooming, wise woman out there, whether you are hoping for the gift of late motherhood like myself or you have other dreams and hopes for yourself. Don't hold yourselves back or limit yourselves or feel that the best is behind you.Know you are truly blossoming now into your most creative, powerful, wise beautiful selves, so set yourself free and live a life filled with new possibilities, dreams and new beginnings.

Much love to you and speak very soon.
Samantha xxx