Yes, yes I know this was meant to be written in diary format on a more regular basis....sigh! ;) I have however decided to cut myself a little slack as the last few weeks have been quite a maelstrom of different emotions and I was hoping for a little clarity before putting 'pen to paper'. I also have had to deal with my own resistance to just 'getting stuff up there' which isn't perfectly written or put together. I have to remind myself that I wanted this to be a relaxed conversation between us as friends, even if most of the time its a pretty one way street! Please feel free to comment and add your wisdom though my dear trusty old beautiful bloomers!
As I mentioned in my last blog a few weeks back, we finally went to Adoption Panel on July 16th. I thought some of you might be interested in a quick time-line up until then, although obviously the process to getting to that point and decision was a journey in itself!
- November 12th 2011 One day Introduction to Adoption day
- June 21st 2012 Initial home visit from a social worker.
- September 11/12 and 19/20th 2012 Four day Adoption Course.
- November 5th 2012 start a new full time job and move home over Christmas period.
- January 28th 2013 (my birthday) began Home Study with allocated social worker.
- July 1st Finished huge file called a PAR (New Prospective Adopters Report).
- July 16th Adoption Panel
So finally panel day arrived. Fairly soon after arrival at the venue at East Malling and having partaken of the refreshments provided (tea and biscuits, although something stronger may have been welcome!) we were led by the warm and welcoming chairwoman of the panel into a large, airy room. Four long tables had been joined end to end to create a large square with a big gap in the middle. With a feeling of what I can only describe as slight pre-performance nerves, we sat with our social worker at the bottom long table and were introduced to ten kindly faces focused intently upon us. The panel ranged from adoptive/foster parents and a wide range of people from children's services.
I really have to say that one of the most astounding parts of this process is the amount of people who devote their time, their hearts and their careers to the welfare of children. Social services are often under huge amounts of pressure and have to face things on a daily basis that would make most of us crumble. Government of course wants to improve the service that is offered, making it quicker and more streamlined and rightly so, especially with the ridiculous amount of time children have waited to be adopted. However this hasn't meant more support to the social workers on the ground trying to do their exhausting jobs. I have nothing but admiration and so much warmth in my heart to these caring, hard working people.
Anyway I digress! After ten minutes of quite probing questioning (which the intensity of the home study part of the process had prepared us for) we were asked to leave whilst they deliberated upon their recommendation. As we left the room one of the panel whispered to me that we had done brilliantly, which was positive! After five minutes of waiting our social worker emerged with a smiling chairwoman who said it was an extremely positive and unanimous
|Give us a hug! (Servant of Two Masters July 2007)|
Our slightly more reticent and reserved (but extremely lovely) social worker, whom we both have much affection for, was hugged gratefully by both of us. After that we said our goodbyes and suddenly realised that was it! No more home study, it was all done! Now we had to trust to the universe and the intuition and experience of our very own wise old owl/ social worker to help us find our match.
We had already had the experience of looking for a match prior to the Adoption panel day, as often happens these days. Having viewed several profiles and put ourselves forward for consideration for one child we did meet with that child's social worker. With a gut feeling and the wisdom of our 'wise old owl' we decided not to move forward.
|Don't panic! Tartuffe July 2009|
analysing, researching, opinion seeking and what I can only describe as OCD googling. I haven't been able to write how I felt before because I was unable to find clarity. I feel in the last month some very deep stuff has come up and in some ways I am pleased that happened now before the matching process begins in earnest. I am sure my own background of being adopted has played its part in my fear of making the wrong decision. I have also had to face and accept my own selfish desires in this process and its hard to admit. It is so important that the fit is right for the child (who of course must be the main priority) but it means so much for me too.
I really want to be open about what I went/ am going through as this may help anyone else going through the same emotion today or in the future. I have also from this experience revisited and been reminded of a very important spiritual lesson. Finally yesterday, with some wise advice and clarification from the very delicious Rebecca Kane (www.shineonraw.com) it confirmed to me how I need to move forward with this very profound and special moment in my life. To clarify by writing it down will help me as I move forward too.
|Calmer seas hopefully ahead. Tilos Greece 2012|
As this post is already quite long (thanks for staying with me!) I will do a 'part two' which I will post very shortly whilst I am away in Amsterdam or soon after.
Thank you to everyone who has poured their love and support into our direction. I have been so touched and it really has meant the world. Celebrating our success at panel felt like announcing I was pregnant after the acceptable three month mark! Lets hope this baby is not going to be too post term before coming into my arms. Although he may well be a little larger than the usual new born!
Lots of love to you my blossoming bloomers and a more emotional part two very soon.......promise!!!