|Making it all fit. 'Echo of the Velewe' Chris Booth 1948|
Hello my trusty bloomers ;)
As promised part two! Sadly, as always, a larger gap than anticipated between each blog update but hopefully I can leap into a more diary like format after this catch up......but best to make no promises!
By way of an excuse (my school teachers would be raising a despairing eyebrow now!) we did actually spend a wonderful week in Amsterdam with my very lovely birth aunt and her equally lovely partner. It was great to spend some time away immersing ourselves in art exhibitions, cycling and paddling in the sea and eating copious amounts of Dutch Applekaka! I can't say adoption wasn't on my mind but it was good to focus on something else for a while.
|Aunty J and T racing ahead! August 2013|
Spending time with my aunt is always such a treat. I 'found' her about 15 years ago whilst searching for my birth mother (who very sadly passed away three years before) and we are now very much family. I don't know why but I always find myself saying 'family' in the mode of Peggy Mitchell in Eastenders!! Just me?
Moving swiftly on!!
|Me and Aunty J having a chat|
A child adopted or not needs to be fully accepted for who they are, cherished and given the opportunity to develop secure attachments to his/her caregivers. Ideally they need to be amongst people who can tune into them and really 'see' them. Helping them to feel a security, sense of self worth and acceptance that will allow them to blossom into the very best of who they are as they move through their lives.As an adopted child the need to be parented this way seems even more profound as a sense of disconnection, insecure attachment, abandonment and loss is already marked on many of these children's lives. I hope to explore a more attachment, natural style parenting with my own baby. It is certainly very encouraged by those in the adoption field nowadays and one that makes absolute sense to me. I found 'The Continuum Concept' by Jean Liedloff a very enlightening and profound book when I read it some years ago and one that made me question our more modern approach to parenting. I hope to discover and learn more as I parent my own little person.
But that's for later, back to the update!!!
As you may remember from last time I was having a slight emotional meltdown when considering how to choose the right child. Such a profound decision that will impact so many lives! I do envy in many ways the lack of choice that pregnancy brings. Even when my adoptive mother adopted us all those years ago she was given no choice and we were chosen for her. I keep telling her how extraordinarily lucky she is with how that turned out! ;) There seems, in both these instances, a bit of divine providence involved.
One thing I know is that connecting with my child is so important to me. I am sure my adopted history will have played a part on why but it is so important that I am the right mother for this little person.There is much more awareness of finding the right fit for adopted children nowadays and that's why the matching process is fairly rigorous.
How do we find our little person?!
- Trust the system? Make our choice based on researching and considering carefully all the information on the child's family history, their medical history, whether they are meeting their developmental markers or not and what may be the potential developmental and medical unknowns. Trust the wisdom and experience of our 'wise old owl' (social worker) who can see behind what is written and ask the direct and difficult questions to the experts, foster carers and children's social workers. Trust that she knows us well enough now and will be able to see beyond what we can at the moment. Also trust the child's social worker who knows and understands the needs of the child and will be looking for the best match for them.
- Trust our gut and intuition? Those who have chosen their little people already say something drew then to that particular child. Something perhaps beyond logical understanding. A sense of something feeling 'right'.
- Base our decision on the personality of the child? The challenge we have is that the child we are considering is under one, which in the adoption world is still considered quite young. Many of the children are older and it becomes easier and a necessary part of the adoption process to match a child's personality to the parents for the best fit.So where to look for hints of the little persons emerging personality. Yes....blush I have consulted numerology, astrology charts I am afraid to say! Hey, you may mock but if its important enough to be considered by kings, mighty leaders and emperors then perhaps there is a grain of truth in there somewhere!Having had mine done in the past they were eerily accurate.......well on the whole!
- Trust our animal instinct? Sadly this important and most basic primitive sense of smell, recognition and attraction is only something that we will have access to right at the point of bringing the child home so that rules that one out until quite late in the process/
- Try to match the child's facial features to our own.....poor child!! Pick genetic similarities. Also the Chinese skill of face reading believe that the personality of a person can be read in their face even from quite an early age. Google Jean Haner for some fascinating insights! There is something to be said for the appeal of a genetic resemblance. Wild curly hair for me would be the icing on the cake but not a deal breaker!
Whoooooah stop right there missy! None of these give any guarantees however much I try to control the outcome!
So where next to save my sanity!
|' Ooooh she does go on!' The Graduate 2009|
I was reminded of some important spiritual principles the other day about trust and letting go and its a spiritual lesson I need to remember...... although its bloody hard at times!!!! I truly believe in the concept you attract what you believe about yourself and the world and what you put your focus on. So after some wonderful advice from Rebecca Kane (Shine on Raw) I took time to truly consider the the kind of life I hoped to share with my child and then send it out to the universe and leave it to divine providence to attract the child who would gain most from us being its parents.
Yes my earthy practical friends I am aware this is a rosy idealistic view (!) but hey its good to dream .........
Images fluttering by of family holidays exploring wild Cornish beaches, clambouring over rocks, investigating rock pools and dipping toes in icy waters. Adventures with Anka the dog exploring woods, fields and streams, soaked by the rain and warmed by the sun. Cold rainy days in front of the fire watching old children's films. Learning to grow things together in the garden with Aunty Penny. Lots of cuddles, splashy bath times, making up silly songs and dancing around the house. Sitting in cafe's with a babbyccino....froth is the best bit lets face it! Visits to Amsterdam to see Aunty J and Uncle T. Biking through Hoge Veluwe National Park and visiting art galleries. A child who would love water, nature, and animals, who is adventurous, creative, sensitive and kind, quirky and a little unconventional (to put up with us!) and not too LOUD!!!
I created the images, wrote down the words and let it go to the universe. My challenge now is to trust that the universe will draw us to the right child and the child will be drawn to the right parents for him. I also have to accept what maybe right for us maybe WAY OUTSIDE whatever I imagined too! My only job now is to be happy and try and keep my energy positive, open and accepting. I will still consider the points above and they have their place but ultimately I have to trust that whatever happens the right child will find his way to us.
|Trying to keep some balance!|
Before I close a NEWS FLASH!!!!
There is a potential little person.....early days.....will report back soon.
So that's me for now....phew!I will try to do a little less more often in future.
Thanks for staying with me and much love to you all my gorgeous and most favourite old bloomers :)